ASSAULT ANDROID CACTUS (PC)
Look, I know, Assault Android Cactus is a title that does not exactly roll off the tongue. It’s literal nature – Cactus is the name of the android doing the assaulting – is relatively uninspiring. Without really delving beyond the veil of these words, Assault Android Cactus is a game you would quite easily scroll past on the Steam storefront. But what if I were tell you this was the first game from Witch Beam, the makers of relaxing indie hit Unpacking? That unlike unboxing the hum-drum contents your life into a new environment, Cactus is more about rich, colourful, frenzied environments swarming with bullet hell goodness attempting to obliterate you. It’s Super Smash TV albeit with a modern take, one where inspired level design has you falling through the goddamn f*cking floors! Bet you’re interested now…
The plot is as weak as American lager. This is no bad thing – Assault Android Cactus is not aiming for Academy Awards in scriptwriting and it’s lovely in this day and age to have a game devoid of pretention that just gets the hell on with it. There’s no flipping tutorial for a start! The discernible plot also borrows heavily from Andrew Braybrook’s Commodore 64 classic, Paradroid. So, retro thumbs-up there. Robots aboard the space freighter the ‘Genki Star’ have gone haywire, taken over the ship and it requires androids from the Interplanetary Police Department to put a stop to their shenanigans. Cue, an assault android by the name of Cactus crash landing on the Genki Star and blasting the shit out of all the shiny metallic things!
AAC is one of the most joyously addictive gaming experiences you'll come across. Prepare for a long night!
It’s pretty relentless twin-stick stuff. From stage 1 to the 24 that follow, your job is to weave Cactus (or any one of the other eight androids you can play as) through hellish waves of constant mobs and unending bullet storms. Jolly good fun on that very straightforward premise, but what makes Assault Android Cactus stand out are some unique design features. First off, there are no lives as such. Instead, Cactus has a battery that keeps her powered up (well she is an android, duh). Taking hits drops Cactus to the floor and runs her battery down. In order to stay charged, Cactus has to slice through waves of enemies with haste for battery recharges to drop and collect. Run out of juice and its game over. Along with timely power up drops – bigger guns, speed boosts or enemy freezes – although they never drop near you and always with a billionty metal b*stards in the way, this makes for a well-crafted game of risk and reward. It’s easier to clear a level and obtain batteries if you go for the juicy bonuses.
The level design is also jaw-dropping. Just amazing. Super! No single stage is the same. Whether it’s descending on power lifts, rotating on conveyer belts, floors weaving into and out of existence, the lights going out, the sheer magnificence of falling through a floor to the level below or one scene where Cactus is flying through the bowels of the Genki Star on a flatbed monorail, it’s sheer bravado. That this is complemented by intelligent patterns of seemingly endless enemy engagements, superb fast-moving arcade graphics and a constant tub-thumping soundtrack makes for a constant delight to the senses. No more so than when the beautiful boss fights turn up at the end of each ship segment. These are fast-moving, massive, challenging buggers that will frequently tear you a new one before you can work out an effective means of defeating them. In other words, the best type of boss fights!
Furthermore, there is great replay value. The high score tables are moreish leading to that ‘pump it into my flipping veins’ one more go factor, 1am finishes and getting a b*llocking from the missus in the morning. Yummy! Getting that all-conquering S+ rating is an art requiring the maximum chain of kills possible and sustaining no hits on a single level. It’s a badge I wear with pride to make up for my otherwise pitiful life. In addition, the boss rush, infinity drive and daily challenges just add more Cactus. And if you ever get bored of Cactus (unlikely) then you can go through the whole thing again with one of her Android mates, albeit with different weapon loadouts, to add a further layer of challenge.
Furthermore, there is great replay value. The high score tables are moreish leading to that ‘pump it into my flipping veins’ one more go factor, 1am finishes and getting a b*llocking from the missus in the morning. Yummy! Getting that all-conquering S+ rating is an art requiring the maximum chain of kills possible and sustaining no hits on a single level. It’s a badge I wear with pride to make up for my otherwise pitiful life. In addition, the boss rush, infinity drive and daily challenges just add more Cactus. And if you ever get bored of Cactus (unlikely) then you can go through the whole thing again with one of her Android mates, albeit with different weapon loadouts, to add a further layer of challenge.
So, yeah, don’t let the sh*te title put you off. Assault Android Cactus is a barnstorming delight. A visual and sonic feast to gorge on. It’s a game that you will replay constantly because of the sheer dopamine joy it provides. And you will cream your jeans when that floor gives way… marvellous! One of the best independent games of the last decade? Abso-f*cking-lutely!