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LONDON RACER (PS)
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Publisher: Davilex.
Developer: Davilex. Released: September 2000. Genre: Racing. Other versions: PC. Posted 1st October 2021. By Tom Clare © 2021 |
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The commercial success of London Racer must rank as one of gaming’s most unusual anomalies. Typically, sales have depended on quality, a progressive new concept, a tempting license, or a mixture of the above. Davilex’s trundler ticks precisely none of the above boxes. It looks and plays terribly, with its chief selling point the ability to drive slowly around a selection of semi-London-centric urban surrounds. Its no-frills nature and budget price-point (as well as, presumably, copious availability) ensured a hit that was as unlikely as it was undeserved.
This may sound a little uncharitable, but London Racer’s popularity remains utterly baffling in the context of the competition it faced. Imagine the PlayStation scene suddenly devoid of Gran Turismo, Ridge Racer, TOCA, Formula 1, Colin McRae Rally and WipEout and there’d still have been too much quality amongst what was left for London Racer to warrant a second glance.
Big Ben... possibly
Still, who wants to pilot an F1 car around Silverstone or a souped-up Skyline around Laguna Seca, when you can plod along the M25 in a hatchback that can’t quite hit the 70mph speed limit? Davilex’s racer takes this frankly attainable dream and translates it into an ultra-rickety racer that sees the player motoring around London landmarks behind the wheel of brazen facsimiles of the Mini Cooper, Vauxhall Astra, Audi TT and VW Beetle. Each of the eight courses sees the player battling a modest field of competitors, a persistent police presence and unpredictable traffic.
There’s so much wrong with London Racer it’s difficult to know quite where to begin. Most obviously, there’s the graphics. Visually, it comes off second-best in comparison with most PlayStation launch games and for a 2000 release, it looks utterly dreadful. Somehow, the M25 appears more sparse than in real life and despite the occasional, semi-recognisable structure (Big Ben most notably), it’s crippled by a quite staggering amount of pop-up and scenic tearing. Textures are wobbly and indistinct, and the drab, sludgy colour schemes do nothing to help matters.
There’s so much wrong with London Racer it’s difficult to know quite where to begin. Most obviously, there’s the graphics. Visually, it comes off second-best in comparison with most PlayStation launch games and for a 2000 release, it looks utterly dreadful. Somehow, the M25 appears more sparse than in real life and despite the occasional, semi-recognisable structure (Big Ben most notably), it’s crippled by a quite staggering amount of pop-up and scenic tearing. Textures are wobbly and indistinct, and the drab, sludgy colour schemes do nothing to help matters.
FOCAL POINT: LONDON RACER IN PARIS?
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Paris-Marseille Racing (2000, PlayStation)
Connoisseurs of terrible racing games will be delighted to learn that Davilex created numerous region-specific versions of London Racer, which began life back in 1997 as A2 Racer in the developer’s native Netherlands. It went by Autobahn Raser in Germany and also saw a French PlayStation variant by the name of Paris-Marseille Racing. Whilst the menus, visuals and game engine are the same as in London Racer, it features unique courses and a few different cars, one seemingly a tribute to the Renault Alpine. Somehow, it P-MR looks even worse than London Racer, with a tragic representation of the Eiffel Tower setting the tone for a Gallic road trip that’s an absolute insult to the architecture of France. The AI is equally dreadful, but for what it’s worth, the action is a shade busier and the routes slightly more adventurous. It is, however, even shorter than London Racer, with five short courses rendering its longevity almost non-existent.
The cars handle like buses, with heavy, slow response times and the racing is so ponderous, you hardly ever need to use the brakes. The greatest challenge in the races is reaching the finish. Damage is counted for prangs against traffic and other racers, and by the end of many courses, you’ll be limping home to ensure your car doesn’t expire. Furthermore, it’s game over if you have a police car ram you up the backside three times.
Speaking of which, police prove a persistent irritation, with seemingly the entirety of the city’s law enforcement congregating on the couple of miles you’re racing around. With mind-numbing frequency, cop cars instigate some of the most humiliatingly dull car chases ever to trouble a video game. Quite what they pull you over for isn’t entirely clear, but it certainly isn’t speeding! Like the hideous-sounding sirens that accompany their presence, law enforcement is incredibly repetitive. They behave as though devoid of intelligence: the player need only steer clear of the left-hand side of the road and the police will pass before screeching ineffectually to a halt. You can look forward to the next “chase” literally a few seconds later.
Speaking of which, police prove a persistent irritation, with seemingly the entirety of the city’s law enforcement congregating on the couple of miles you’re racing around. With mind-numbing frequency, cop cars instigate some of the most humiliatingly dull car chases ever to trouble a video game. Quite what they pull you over for isn’t entirely clear, but it certainly isn’t speeding! Like the hideous-sounding sirens that accompany their presence, law enforcement is incredibly repetitive. They behave as though devoid of intelligence: the player need only steer clear of the left-hand side of the road and the police will pass before screeching ineffectually to a halt. You can look forward to the next “chase” literally a few seconds later.
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The AI is also bafflingly poor, sticking to you with all the ease that lazy elastic-banding allows for, even should the player run mistake-free. Contrastingly, if you follow behind them, they’ll often crawl along at 40-50mph. Elsewhere, the collision parameters are atrocious. Getting anywhere close to oncoming traffic tends to result in a clumsy and damaging crash, whilst at the other extreme, your computer opposition drives straight through cars and even parts of the scenery, at seemingly no detriment to their pace. Collision problems are exposed further as some of the tracks are absurdly narrow, resulting in unnecessary pile-ups.
The seven courses are about as interesting as you’d expect. Amongst its adrenaline-fuelled locations, there’s the M25 South, a country road to Oxford and er, the M25 South again, at night. Streets, motorways and country lanes offer marginally different racing experiences, though it’s fair to say that none of them lives long in the memory.
The seven courses are about as interesting as you’d expect. Amongst its adrenaline-fuelled locations, there’s the M25 South, a country road to Oxford and er, the M25 South again, at night. Streets, motorways and country lanes offer marginally different racing experiences, though it’s fair to say that none of them lives long in the memory.
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To trade, or to upgrade?
London Racer offers race-based bonuses for getting snapped by speed cameras (or even smashing into them), with the prize money going towards basic performance upgrades or a trade-up. Though this may sound a little incongruous, it’s the closest London Racer comes to a good idea. This sliver of good work is sullied somewhat by the ridiculous cost of repairing damage to your vehicle, regularly rivalling the overall cost of a new one at the dealership.
Apart from the fact it’s about as much fun as poking yourself in the eye, there’s no incentive to play London Racer through to completion, even once. The difference between success and failure is an image displaying either “Game Over” or “You Won!”. In either case, you’ll probably be reduced to tears. It’s hard to recommend the game on any level, other than as a warning from history. There are dozens more worthy racers on the PlayStation alone and to this day, it’s hard to fathom the popularity of such a poor quality endeavour.
Apart from the fact it’s about as much fun as poking yourself in the eye, there’s no incentive to play London Racer through to completion, even once. The difference between success and failure is an image displaying either “Game Over” or “You Won!”. In either case, you’ll probably be reduced to tears. It’s hard to recommend the game on any level, other than as a warning from history. There are dozens more worthy racers on the PlayStation alone and to this day, it’s hard to fathom the popularity of such a poor quality endeavour.
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VERDICT
"It’s difficult to recommend London Racer on any level, save as a warning from history... To this day, it’s hard to fathom the popularity of such a poor quality endeavour." OVERALL: 2/10 |