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YETISPORTS DELUXE (PS)
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Publisher: JoWood.
Developer: Edelweiss Medienwerkst. Released: September 2004. Genre: Party. Other versions: PC. Posted 5th February 2020. By Tom Clare © 2020 |
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Look deep into Yeti’s eyes. His sadness is tangible, even after all these years, and who can blame him? Frozen as he is, fronting one of the most flagrant cash-grabs ever to besmirch gaming, and one that somehow isn’t any less aggravating fifteen years after the event. Few experiences are as singularly dispiriting as playing Yetisports Deluxe for five minutes, and realising that you’ve seen absolutely everything it has to offer. This one-button, two mini-game “collection” (is it a collection if there’s only two?) arrived so late in the PlayStation’s lifecycle, that it missed the final issue of The Official UK PlayStation Magazine which had stuck around until March 2004. As a result, it dodged the critical roasting it so richly deserved.
Based on a web-browser flash game (and if that doesn’t set alarm bells ringing, nothing will), Yetisports Deluxe is a one-play, one-joke affair that ranks easily amongst the worst games ever released for the original PlayStation. For the usual role-call of such offenders (Bubsy 3D, Tunguska: Legend of Faith, London Racer for those lucky enough to have avoided them), failings were inextricably linked to technical issues. Yetisports Deluxe is somewhat different. It isn’t a promising concept that’s been botched; more a bad idea that’s been realised. Seemingly, it plays more or less as-intended. It’s just an unbelievably lousy game with so little effort or content having gone into it. As such, it must rank amongst the most brazen examples you’re ever likely to see of a publisher trying to make a fast buck.
If you asked the creators of Pong what gaming would look like thirty years on, I'd wager the answer would have been nothing at all like this
Pingu Throw (of which there are two almost indecipherable versions) sees Yeti timing a baseball bat swing in order to wack a penguin as far as possible. Meanwhile, Orca Slap (of which there are also two almost indecipherable variants) sees you chucking a snowball, with the aim of spearing a hapless penguin into a circular scoring ring. That, in a nutshell, is the entire game. It’s even less sophisticated than this sounds, as beyond the timing of the swing/throw, there’s no power bar or aiming factors, with the odd, cursory gust of wind acting as the sole variable.
Frankly, I’ve had illnesses that were more fun than Yetisports Deluxe. They certainly stuck around for longer: I honestly can’t remember a game’s longevity being measurable in seconds. To suggest the game is “a package full of exciting & thrilling gameplay” represents a galling moment of chutzpah on JoWood’s marketing side. The controls (that should probably be singular) are sluggish, and the game suffers from bits of slow-down, even though it’s just about as far from “pushing the hardware” as you can possibly imagine. Just as with the flash game, once you’ve played it a couple of times, the amusement has run its course. For those who persevere, there’s nothing to unlock, nothing to work towards other than high-scores, and as the gameplay itself feels so paper-thin, these provide no incentives whatsoever.
Frankly, I’ve had illnesses that were more fun than Yetisports Deluxe. They certainly stuck around for longer: I honestly can’t remember a game’s longevity being measurable in seconds. To suggest the game is “a package full of exciting & thrilling gameplay” represents a galling moment of chutzpah on JoWood’s marketing side. The controls (that should probably be singular) are sluggish, and the game suffers from bits of slow-down, even though it’s just about as far from “pushing the hardware” as you can possibly imagine. Just as with the flash game, once you’ve played it a couple of times, the amusement has run its course. For those who persevere, there’s nothing to unlock, nothing to work towards other than high-scores, and as the gameplay itself feels so paper-thin, these provide no incentives whatsoever.
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I’ve seen it claimed that YSD sports “improved” graphics, though it soon becomes clear that this was meant either in strictly relative terms, or as a joke. In the latter days of the format, the PlayStation was plagued with a number of suspect Game Boy Advance ports, and YSD looks for all the world like it might have started out this way too. Heavily pixelated sprites appear wooden and lazily-animated, whilst the bland arctic landscapes are low-res and lack any kind of artistic flair. Depressingly, there’s very little else to mention, not only in terms of the visuals, but generally. A tortured individual wails “let me play!” on the title screen, whilst a made-to-order jingle plays after the completion of a mini-game. The most that can be said for the menus is that they are navigable.
The screenshots may not look especially varied, but we assure you, they cover more or less everything
There’s pass-the-pad multiplayer for if you fancy alienating as many as three friends. The addition of “Deluxe” to the moniker is truly mind-boggling as well, as it’s difficult to think a game with less going for it, or indeed a scenario where there’s a more bog-standard version. It’s no exaggeration to say that every last one of Bishi Bashi Special’s 40-plus mini-games is more worthy in isolation than YSD is as a whole. Perhaps fittingly for a game fronted by a yeti, it’s utterly abominable.
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VERDICT
"It isn’t a promising concept that’s been botched; more a bad idea that’s been realised... Perhaps fittingly for a game fronted by a yeti, it’s utterly abominable." OVERALL: 1/10 |